Men I Met (Through proper channel)!

Wow.. It’s less than a week and here I am writing another blog post. Maybe it is the strong sensation of desire to stick to at least one of my New Year resolutions!

This post is also part of my ‘write drunk and edit sober’ series!

2016 has just began and already people I know (and don’t know) have started to hope and wish that I’ll be married by this year end. Well, I can’t blame them though! People who know me well are aware that the process of finding a groom started in 2011, i.e. a year after my sister got married. So they are obviously thinking ‘Why is she still single?’ People whom I don’t know well are thinking ‘She is 28! Oh gosh! Why isn’t she married yet? Doesn’t she know that her biological clock is ticking?’ The worst part about both the sides is that they start to give me advice on how to speed up the process. It usually starts with shedding few extra kilos and ends up with lowering the expectations!

I wish to take all their opinions on a positive note and assume that they all are worried about me and my well-being. (LOL)

Now coming back to my post. I am dedicating this post to all the guys I have met so far in the name of matrimonial alliance. Unfortunately I don’t remember all of them (as it’s been a five year process!). So I will be writing about the ones I remember and why it didn’t work out! (I know you are least bothered about this… but come on… I need a post!)

The first guy I met Mr. Lost case: As it was the first time I was meeting a guy, I was of course nervous. Unfortunately, the guy was nervous as well. After the first five minutes of a round table discussion along with the parents, the guy wanted to talk to me in private, and as he felt suffocated inside the house, I was forced to take him for a walk outside. That’s when he blurted out that during college days, he got into a scuffle with one of his seniors, which made them to pull a prank on him and that pushed him into a state of lunacy. Yes! He was in an asylum for almost two years, but now he was all ok. I did like his honesty and from the one hour chat we had, he looked absolutely normal to me. As I considered ‘honesty’ as the most important aspect (at least at that time), I said yes to him! Fortunately (Yes.. You read it right!), his mom found me too fat for his ‘perfect’ son! Hence I got turned down.

Mr. Good Looks: The next one I met was Mr. Good Looks. He was charming and well spoke. In spite of making few blunders, such as smiling at his younger brother thinking he is the groom, this guy was genuinely nice to me. However, by then, I was in love with an s***bag and hence I did not respond well. I made sure he felt my disdain through my body language. Hence, that did not work out either!

Mr. Know It All: I would have been ‘almost’ married to this guy, if it wasn’t for his ‘Karayogam’ conversation (Mallus would understand this!) Anyway, they demanded gold and property and so my dad said NO!

Mr. Laureate: This one was a sweet guy. He was well spoken and well-mannered as well. He insisted on meeting me even before our horoscopes were matched. After our small chit-chat in my office pantry, he said ‘Okay’ to the alliance, if the horoscopes matched! Unfortunately, it did not match. But that did not stop us from going for a dinner and a movie together!

Mr. Bheem Boy: God! This guy took me by surprise. He looked totally different from what he looked in the pics. He looked like Bheem from Mahabarat. This guy gave me a list of things that I must adjust with. For example, he loves pets and he had a huge fish tank, two dogs, one cat, three love birds, and a couple of more pets. He said I should be okay with that! This was besides the fact that he will travel all the five days of the week and be at home only for the weekends, which he spends in maintaining the pets. Even for this guy, I didn’t say NO. He must have guessed it from my response to his ‘pet’ hobby!

Mr. I don’t Like You: Nothing much to say about this guy other than that he was shorter than me and told me a ‘NO’ within five minutes of our conversation! (If short men can’t marry tall women, how did Kunal Nayar end up with his supermodel wife?)

Mr. Good Guy: Oh I liked this guy. He was a total marriage material. The responsible one with a good job and a dream of making it big. He was the first guy to fit into the ‘Mr. Darcy’ character. Unfortunately, again, I met him before the horoscope matching, and as usual, mine did not match to the good guy!

                     

Mr. Hyderabadi: This is the second guy whom I liked. Though I didn’t like him at first, I warmed up to him after two or three conversations. When I met him in person, along with my family, I was like ‘I am finally getting married’ types. He looked as if he walked out of my fairytale book where the men were tall, dark and with long nose. The horoscopes matched perfectly and everyone in my family loved him. BUT, his parents were into ‘Karayogam’ again and my dad is totally against it, and hence, the chapter closed!

The Perverts: In an attempt to find someone on my own, I tried a different matrimonial site parallel to what my parents/sister was using. I thought I found some good profiles, but they turned out to be total pervs! For instance, one guy asked if I was virgin within five minutes of the conversation and another guy used a metaphor to hint that his tool is pretty huuuuugggggge! Ultimately, they were blocked!

Mr. I fell For: I have heard of soulmates. You know the kind who completes your part. For once even I felt like I have finally found my soul mate. We both had the exact same wavelength! I mean, which guy watches ‘FRIENDS’ and ‘Big Bang Theory’? But here he was, full of sensible humor and making me feel all amazed and happy. I spoke to him for three days, in the other site, and I almost decided that I have found ‘THE GUY’. He had similar views in so many things. Like, agriculture as a retirement plan and working on a movie sometime! Unfortunately, as usual, my horoscope didn’t match! (Stupid nakshatram I have). With a broken heart, I said bye to him!

So there ends my list! As you can see, I neither have huge expectations nor looking for Prince Charming. Just that my horoscope is f***ed up big time, or my dad takes decision for me. Either I have to fall for someone hard and fast, or let my biological clock tick and settle for someone at my dad’s own time!

'O_o'