I have always wanted to be a boy/man. I mean, it's a thought or desire that I have always had since my teen to be born in a different gender because of all the benefits the other gender gets. Physically and emotionally I am a woman, but dreamt or desired to be a man for its benefits.
Some might ask what benefit? Well, let me give example from my current situation. I am a mom. Like, I am a mom, 24/7. There is no pause in this role. Since the day I came to know I am pregnant, which is around three years (counting the time I was pregnant) I have been a mom. This statement might be confusing for a lot of people. What does it mean by 'I have been a mom'?
To clarify, since the day I found out I was pregnant, I have been a mom. Not a person with a job, not a soul with desires, not anyone else but a mom. But, my husband, has been able to be what he choose to be. An employee, a son, a husband, a party goer, a sleepy head and much more. He got to choose and still does to be what he wants to be based on his mood.
Now, why am I rambling about this now? After almost a month long stay at in-laws, we are finally back home and wanted to have a drink and unwind. While my husband was able to have a drink and unwind to the second India-England test match, I had to steal a drink in between feeding dinner, poop cleaning, kitchen cleaning, addressing toddler's need, nappy changing, teeth brushing, and finally making him go to sleep! In between all of these, I don't think I drank enough!
What bothers me the most is I am mom at all times but it is a choice for my husband to be a dad. Like I can understand the initial years where I had to breastfeed the kid and be around him all the time when he was a baby, things which obviously my husband couldn't have done.
But it's the other things that bothers me. Like when I joined back work, I had to lay low for a year so that I don't get involved in serious work like proposal and RFPs coz that will mean late night. But it did not impact him. Inf mact that was the time he was vying for a promotion. Until I got pregnant, I used to start work around 10.30/11.00 and log off at 8 or 9. He did the same. But when I became mom, I started to log in at 9 and log off at 6 or 7, so that I am around when the babysitter leaves. But his schedule did not change a bit. Even between work, I have to ensure the kid takes bath, eats on time, goes down to play and so on. He has no clue what happens when.
I am defintely not saying he is a bad husband/father. He does what he can. But that's the thing. He can choose when he wants to do what and I cant. For instance, right now me and him are drunk. But he felt he wanted to sleep and hence he went to sleep. I can even hear him snore. But here I am, trying to make the toddler go to sleep, while being drunk on the same amount of alcohol. I can no longer do what I want. Just because I am a woman/mom.
I do wish I was a man!
'O_o'
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